I Am Now Single and Available

Feeling released, relieved, elated, fabulous, untied, and free from all physical and emotional tortures. While others are ushering for the new year to come with new year's resolutions, I am, too, no stranger to this thing. Finally I have made a brave and firm decision to step out from my disastrous relationship which caused too much negative impacts in my life. I am never this worst, frustrated, feeling unworthy, and lost before until I caught myself in this ordeal. I still remember my bestie told me, "We can guarantee everything in life, but there is no guarantee in a relationship". If he used to acting rough (i.e. acting violently like strangling, forcing himself on the victim, pushing her forcefully, bit her) prolongingly on the girl, the chances are, he will be doing it for the rest of his life. Often in such cases, the victim wish is to hope that she will never make it into the newspaper headline purporting SHE HAS BEEN DISMEMBERED, DECAPITATED, AND THE COPS ARE PERFORMING AT BEST TO FIND HER LOST HEAD. A sane man will turn into a beast/monster/maniac/psycho when he is already mad and out of his mind. This much afraid-of beast will likely have the chance of killing his victim with no mercy and soon to realise he has regretted his awful action.

As year 2010 is a new start for any breathing creatures on Earth, I will have a fresh, freedom and single life to start all over. Well at least I am already off the hook and I am ready to refresh my social life and press on the reset relationship button. My bestie is always right. She advised me that there is a great essential for me to rearrange my screw-up life. It was so screwed that I do not know what I am anymore.

All in all, a few doses of endorphine will do the magic and transform my life. See I am happy now. I am in FUCSHIA!!!!! For your information, FUCHSIA is a happy, vibrant and energetic colour.

P/S: If you don't like what I've scribbled here, sue me!

Why "Holy" Kamasutra???

If you considered yourself as open-minded, you are most welcome but if you are not......I do not forbid but discourage.

Okay, allow me to explain what Kamasutra is all about. It is an ancient Sanskrit text giving rules for sensuous and sensual pleasure to partners as well as love and marriage in accordance with Hindu law. Most of the classic mistakes people offend that Kamasutra is a pornography material emphasizing on sex positions, explicit illustrations, and etc.

Why "Holy" Kamasutra you may ask? Read along:

Reason 1: You will always stay awake reading/ fantasizing/ imagining yourself as the man/woman in the illustrations.

Reason 2: Men can say "bye-bye" to his good friend named Viagra because he has found a new friend by the name of Kamasutra. How magical!

Reason 3: Prostitutes can level up their skills and make more money by practising the yoga-like positions. So do not sulk when they make more money than you.

Reason 4: Divorce cases will decrease if the teachings of Hindu law is abide. Lawyers may have lesser case to handle.

Reason 5: An ideal gift for everyone be it your colleagues, friends, bed buddies, and family members.

Reason 6: Perfect book to be placed by the bedside in case it will come in handy for him or for her.

Reason 7: Men, knock some senses in their heads. Do not imagine yourself sleeping with a NUN.

Reason 8: Women will bathe more often than usual as men hate women with bad smell (as purported in the original Kamasutra). Is that true? Well..you be your own judge.

But do be mean like this guy over here.

Reason 9:  You shouldn't involve in incest or any sexual relation with your near relationship (family members).

Reason 10: Yoga classes will receive extremely positive feedbacks with the escalating numbers of new registered members.

 

Reason 11: Everybody has the potential to be a porn star if they master the yoga-like positions from Kamasutra.

 

Reason 12: Women Aid Organization (WAO) will 'chap lap' because men respect women and domestic violence is zero, sexual harassment, molestation, and manipulation.

Reason 13: Recipe books are replaced with Kamasutra as it teaches how wives should cook for their husbands (as purported in the original Kamasutra).

Reason 14: Gays and lesbians will be extinct. They realise butt hole or dildo are no longer interesting.

Reason 15: Kids started to learn the theory of the "birds and bees " early (maybe even before puberty) if their textbooks are replaced with this "Holy Grail" in schools.

Reason 16: Parents wouldn't need to spend time cracking heads thinking of how to give sex education to children.

Reason 17: Men and women are equally satisfied with their partner's bed performance (as they know where to stimulate).

Reason 18: Paris Hilton will forever and only be Paris Hilton because everybody scores an equal chance of being Paris Hilton (watch video "A Night in Paris").

Reason 19: Adultery and infidelity are at its minimum keeping sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) at bay.

 

Reason 20: Those who do not have partners, do not fret. Master Yoga will educate you well enough (self-stimulating) to do this:

                                                                                                                                                                                                     Woman

 

I guess her face should be away from us. Wrong direction.

 

Man

Oh please advise him to make a little more effort to tilt his head.

 

-The purported reasons here are fictional and for entertainment purpose only
-Further non-fiction details can be googled using the keyword "Kamasutra or Kama Sutra"

Of financial woes

Money is the root of all evil as the old sayings goes. But do people really care? Do you care? Do I care? Damn!!!! WE DO NOT CARE. The reason why money is so crucial to us is because the the house prices are going down, forever surging energy prices, volatile gas prices, grocery bills are going up and even entrance to public toilets is not CHEAP (30sen charged) these days. Some people purported money is not important and be contented with what we possessed but will your landlord, bank if you have loans, milkman, newspaper vendor, and stomach think money is not of great magnitude? Everything comes with a significant symbol on it or better known the dollar sign, $$$$$$.  You will know what I mean when you see:

This!

Want to find hookers also must see the prices, ah! Why ah, Russian girls are more expensive than the rest? Perhaps they can moan loudly like those amplifiers or their racks are surprisingly bigger than Pam Anderson, lah!!!

This!!

Even a urine free toilet needs to pay before you can go poo-poo or she-she but in this case, I don't think one will be able to answer the nature call cause the sign TELLS! It's screaming URINE FREE across the front entrance. I think they would allow you to go in if your only intention is to wash hands or butts.

This!!!

Citizens may live in darkness or with little lights on so that when the energy bills come, it will put a broad smile on their face.

And this!!!!

See lotsa "bank" notes??? See money??? No, you're wrong coz you're looking at the hell notes. Even deads cannot escape themselves from the curse of  "evil devil money" because....maybe, just maybe, they need money to pay for all the above! Whereas, living persons cannot make any exceptions but to "exchange" the real bank notes for hell notes.

But not this. I'm loving this!

The price list here is very misleading which makes me thought of having 20 pieces of roti canai (RM2), 10 glasses of teh tarik (RM1) and better more, 5 plates of nasi kandar (RM1). Oh...I am loving the price I have to pay for this sumptuous meal. Aww...it's only a mere RM4!!!!!!! This mamak shop  must be owned by Ananda Krishnan in support of Poverty Assistance Programme.

So............

With the forever price hiking scenario every year, I personally think a 9-to-5 job salary would not likely be enough in a few years to come. Again, as the old sayings go "save money for a rainy day" and "guard against trouble" reminds me of contigency plan. Hence, I wish writing would generate some income to me soon.

*crossing my fingers* but please.....not the Bush's way.

P/S: All images depicted are copied from www.google.com.my. I do not own these images and no copyrighting intended.