Life: You Know Your Housemate Is A Jerk When....

I have moved out to stay alone for about one year since I started my industrial attachment last year. Finding for a room is has never appeared as a problem to me but to locate for a CLEAN and SPOTLESS room is similar to me looking for Mr Right with impeccable personalities. Happy but no so happy - happy cause I found a right place with an attached veranda which means more privacy (sometimes I do consider myself as a private person) but not so happy because my housemates are pigs.  Of course it doesn't apply to all housemates but these are a few things I can't stand.

Why they are jerks/pigs:

a) They do not give a darn about the cleanliness of the bathroom. They shit, and more shitting but no cleaning. I have gave half of my energy and soon will be drained off one day cleaning the extremely unaccepted dirty toilet myself!!!!!

b) They MULTITASK!!!! Other than doing shitting, they smoke. Probably wanking his little johnny with the other hand, he enjoys his little ciggie on the other non-wanking hand. The outcome - the floor is covered with ashes! 

c) For goodness sake, please hang the dam clothes outside. That's what the balcony for! When I was home the other day, I was dumbfounded to find myself holding the towel while bathing. I cannot find a place to hang it. This bitch has actually occupied the towel bar with her bloody clothes and god knows she's already 30 years old. Is she a retard? And I did a weather check on the particular day and it was hot for the past few weeks. 

d) Did I purport embrace Mind Your Own Business (MYOB) philosophy will make your life less miserable? You see, I have this housemate that running in and out of the house being like a self-hired paparazzo trying to replace Perez Hilton. He reports single movements of his housemates to the house owner everytime or if possible every mili split second. And hello! He's a guy. Ain't man should be less busybody than woman? I should throw some ugly insects or cockroaches into his room when he is away or perhaps doing his paparazzo's task. 

e) Thinking that everyone is deaf like him. The Hi-Fi system is his room was a pain in the ass with "pariah" and cheap sound quality with strong and loud bass sound. I do not mind him watching Japanese porn coupled with the annoying moans, screams and shouting. But please, not so loud. I am trying to concentrate on my favourite TV programme, House M.D.

At Work: How Some Bosses Perceive Their Employees or Vice Versa

Generally speaking, many employees will often perceive that their employers are jerks, or to be precise, some bosses are a pain in the ass. Often do they did not realise, bosses, on the other hand, think that their employees are slowcoach, unproductive, lack of initiative and negative most of the time. Oh well, both parties have always two sides to every story. Sometimes it boils down to one primary factor - misunderstanding or lack of communication or genuine ignorance of personal preferences. Here are so sketchy scenarios on how we, employees are sometimes perceive at work, though it might not be 100% true all the time. 

Were born handicapped because we ain't octopus

What's wrong with us having only two hands? Some bosses think that we have five pairs of hands by bombarding us with totally unrealistic workloads. We are deemed as a slowcoach if the work is not delivered on time! How nice I can be if only I can work with my extra "hands" which have been resting under the desk all the time or feeling comfy in those shoes!

Are generally procrastinators

To answer the nature call is something you need to do every time - on and off but to certain bosses, they think we try to make an attempt to sleep in the toilet. Even it did come across my mind, mission impossible! How could a person stand that ammonia-pungent smell, sounds of your next-door neighbour farting due to diarrhea, traces of poo-poo on the floor (yucks) and the misplaced freaking fan is exerting cold air while you're squatting for your big business? LOL.......so plan failed. Unless you're in Donald Trump's office tower. Alright, that will be a total different part of the story. 

Like to gossip 

They think that we are gossiping and bitching about them when bosses hear some raucous laughter in the office. They must have gotten the idea wrongly because the well-constructed story about his/her got one foot stuck in the toilet bowl while playing Nintendo in the gents or ladies. See.....we only talk about the foot and the toilet not the living object. 

Is not loyal 

Not that we are perfidious, or traitorous, we respect bosses who deserve it and salute even to the one who will go all the way out to protect his/her team. Hey, do not treat us as your enemy, we are a team. Appreciate your employees no matter what the output is and when we do not follow your words 100% it doesn't mean we are white-anters who slowly undermine you. 

 

Often perceived as irritating

Forget to greet them good morning, they find it rude and disrespecting. Enjoying our panda chocolate biscuit and we do not intend to offer him/her even a piece. Talking in a group is a big no-no because they thought that we accept rumours and embellish it. Have a louder and more hip ring tone than his/her's. Thought we have a real problem with passivity when we cry but the truth is my dog just died!

So all in all, employer and employee often drive each other up the wall. The difference between the peak and the base of the pyramid is always there or else it wouldn't been named as pyramid. 

The corporate pyramid - no wonder employees are doing most of the dirty jobs 

But still........

Learn.....

To.......

Love......

Your......

Boss!!!!

 ROFL.........

 

Social: Whoa, no way, man! So Many Birthday Babies This Week Only

My gawd! I think of Facebook all the time. And so do you!! No matter where I go, where I shit, I am so all attached to my phone - to online on Facebook and sometimes Twitter but I seldom tweet. Chirp, chirp! Thank goodness Maxis has formulated a fabulous plan and money saving plans for addicts like me! You wanna know what I do when I am on the toilet seat? LOL....other than shitting, it must be another hand or rather both hands (prevent you guys from thinking otherwise) scrolling up and down the Facebook page. Facebook has always been my special friend when I am feeling disconnected from the outside world. This amazing social networking site has made the world a smaller place (hey, who's that black guy sending me PM?). You get to know who's engaging, getting married, and even the worst, break up. At the same time, it keeps you abreast with friends' updates, whether the girl you hated the most has gone so fat and the girl you gossip everyday in school still never wanted to die!! 

Whenever I am on Facebook, I never pay much attention on the birthday notification list because I always thought I should only remember my close friends birthdays or at least pretend that I do remember their birthdays. But as a matter of fact, I can never remember my friends' birthdays until someone approaches and asks me whether I wanna chip in for the pressie. And I will like "Errr....oh yea. I thought her birthday was last year only". Ironically, today I made some progression in Facebook, no, not that Farmville, it's the birthday notification list. To my absolute horror, the damn list is bloody long. At first, I figured I saw the wrong thing. I presumed it must be the April babies. On second glance, hell yes, it is only for this week alone!!! Whoa...so many babies were born in just a week. Miracle! LOL.

It's kinda fun when you flashback to 9 months before you were even born. You are the product of mummy and daddy mini fun project titled "Making Baby". The more they have fun, the more by-products and products they made. From the screenshot itself, I can derive 14 babies were the results of bed activities somewhere between June or July involving 14 couples or to be precise 14 men and 14 women. Whoa...not easy! But why they don't make more male babies? See below....5 out of 14 are chromosome XY, where did the rest go? I think the sperm carrying the Y gen has swam the wrong direction when copulation took place. They must assume the belly button is that "thing". Sad, ain't it? No wonder women are smarter, wiser and stronger than men these days (generally not specifically). Can't you see? They had already lost to sperm carrying gen X when trying to penetrate into the thick ovum membrane wall.

Anyways, Happy Birthday to the April babies for this week. This is the outcome when daddy did not put on his helmet. Mummy thinks daddy's helmet is so uncool. Daddy too...never feel comfortable with the helmet. Mummy and daddy happy without helmet. LOL. 

Crapping zone.....

Life: Can Someone Please Enlighten Me On Relationship?

Are you sure you completely trust men again? Would you be 100 percent certain that he will never lie (exclude the small white lies)? I have been pondering these questions a bit for sometime. I can't say confidently that I can ever trust men again. Of what had happened over some period of time, only did I realised I have a fragile heart. Believe it or not, I have scores of failed relationships in hand which sometimes I did not know how to deal with. How can I recognise the dark side of that man who always have interests at heart for me? Or vice versa. Maybe I am destined to be an old spinster. Well, I can accept that, though. Not that we, modern women these days need to rely on men like those days with women expected to be in the kitchen and men are the sole breadwinner. For some reasons, I am no good in human affectionate relationship (apply to men only). Can someone decode it for me?

Problem #1

He constantly tells lies but will never wanted to admit even when he was caught red-handed! It was a brows-frowning moment when he does not want to admit his acts during and after he was busted. I mean what kind of man will do this if they really love the woman with all his heart? Does he feel overwhelmingly happy and superior when he did that? Please lar. If lying is one of your bestest skill, you should utilize that to the highest degree to cheat money in casino. Oh, of course if you have the brain!

Problem #2 

A smart man has always been lusted over but a weak man will always be the most useless bloke. Judging from the deteriorating stability of emotions, here is the crucial time ending the stay with the bloke. Crying for sympathy often will portray him as a needy and weak person. But I will ask you go to hell lor, cause this is very irritating and hair raising experience like a wolf howling over the full moon. 

Problem #3 

Taking women for granted will only bring disaster in every man's relationship because it is apparent that he does not appreciate what he have. Women have been portrayed as empty status symbols and decorative objects of male desire. Some men just assume all females are equal to those dumb blondes. To them, the intellect part incorporated in us is not arousing so why bother if they do not have inclination towards brainy women? So hor, please do not be devastated when they are female presidents leading the country. Because some men do not have the capability as the women. And oh, the intelligence of a woman is a valuable asset when it comes to the marriage market!

Venting like a mad woman here is not a good idea. I might as well spend my time watching The Sesame Street online. At least they make me laugh and I am not feeling pissed from the top of the entry to the bottom. I was so mad, so mad that I could initiate the volcanic rocks for eruption. But again, I do not expect so much in a guy in a relationship. He only needs to check these boxes:

Check 1: Educated and not a moron of course

Check 2: Accept opinionated and articular woman

Check 3: Emotionally stable - be the real man

Check 4: Respect a woman - no violence against women 

Check 5: Has a stable career and financially healthy 

Check 6: Mature, trustworthy, astute, and level-headed

Check 7: Average Joe is acceptable

 

 

How To: Perfect Guide For New Mummies/Dummies

It is always not an easy task when it comes to taking care of someone, isn't it? Or even something like pets. I even rushed to the bookstore to buy a manual on how to take care of your cat! But it always didn't work out cause my cat begs for anchovies every single day (on the kitchen cabinet so that you can see him), makes enough damage to my sofas and furniture, and worst of all, he sleeps on our bed. Hell, where are we supposed to sleep? In his bed?????? Pity enough for that, it must be a horrible experience to watch over your own kids. Nuff said! I hate KIDS! LOL. Not always but sometimes to the screaming and crying ones. 

When I become a mummy one day, I'd least expect someone must present me a handybook or guides to take care of my child. Funny enough, someone took the liberty to send the manual on how to take care of your child into my mailbox! You must be pregnant. LOL. The best manual I'd ever get in a century and pictures tell a thousand words. 

What you see is what you get..........scroll down for more fascinating and creative ideas/ways to manage your kid. 

Never shall thou imagine that little thing as a coconut ready to be plucked

For guys, you can do that if you remember to shave your chest hair

The correct way doesn't seem to look correct - no difference between Mr Peeping Tom

No? Why? This is the exact way to train the baby to be claustrophobic, eh?

LOL. Just like the fairy-tale, the mum is expecting a pelican to transport the baby to day care centre. It's not BAD

Ho, Ho, Ho!!! The road is never a safe place. Your eyes got to be covered temporary, honey

Always protect your belongings, so does your baby

Errr, you can't expect Hercules and Popeye to do the YES way. They are way too strong

Haha. I like this the most. He must think mummy is making a mini pool for him. Yeehaa...

Honestly, I thought the NO way was the YES way!!!! My baby will definitely have large nostrils when he is older. Hahhaa

At Work: Oh, C'mon. Why The Fire Drill at My Workplace

I must say fire drill is pretty much a total waste of time but the worst part is - I cannot reckon the fire drill alarm when it was first set off. I was paying close attention to Facebook...opss....did I just say Facebook? to my quotation of course to be negotiated to some preferential Motorola price (and sometimes it can be insulting). They (the orang atas) always expect the incapable, incredibly naive *wink*, somewhat a moron like me to speak to suppliers in order to get the best out of everything. To generalise it, my boss expects me to have cost savings of 10% monthly. Well.....the figure looks "humble" and "petite", but you'll never get discount from supplier with just a blink of eyes. If yes, I will fly myself to the moon!!! I am not being petty and difficult here as fire drill is meant to be a practise to evacuate the building when fire occurs or other kinds of emergency took place.

Okay, reverting to my topic earlier, I feel like school children running walking out from the plant in uniform lor. Because Motorola has its own Aloha shirt which I strongly think it is exported from Hawaii textile manufacturing industry. LOL. Here's how and why the fire drill is deemed as a futile effort:

And the possible scenarios that might take place

See the two differences depicted in the table? Hell yes. The fire drill procedures will remain as it is cause no one will adhere to the procedures during the actual fire because everyone will be panicky and is not in their right state of mind. The crucial slogan which everyone should embrace when this mishap fall into places - STAMPEDE FOR YOUR LIFE. LOL.