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Gregarious, bold, straightforward and does not care how people perceive. I am not a creep. Just being myself.
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Saturday, December 19, 2009

I Used To Adore/Admire/Like/Love (Maybe) A Girl

*Be warned if any you have a very orthodox and conservative way of thinking cause the below post might be a little disturbing for your eyes*

Please do not take me as Perez Hilton cause I ain't gonna dish celebrities dirt like him on his Technoratti top-ranking website, perezhilton.com and no I am not doing a favour for him to publicize his site here. Just so you know, Perez Hilton was once hated by celebrities and loved by readers and now he is just lovable to everyone, even the used-to-hate-him celebrities. Check out site if you think you are too free and have nothing else better to do. Opss...I did it again (promoting his site). But I still love him for his bold and straightforward comments on celebrities! 

BUT not on me! He didn't dish my dirty secret when the time I used to admire/like/adore a girl. Yeah... I understand, Perez. I am not a celeb, not from Hollywood, and most of all, you don't even know me. So chances are too slim for you to let out my dirty teenage secret. I believe everyone has a secret, don't you? Well...I have mine too and I never told anyone except for my best friend and she just realised that I liked a girl in high school during our lunch a month ago. It all started when I was a few months in my initial high school year, the time when I am almost like the other girls. We were from girls' school and we did fall for girls!

Okay when I meant fall for a girl, I do no reckon this.....

Argh....my eyes, my eyes...

Argh....the breath, the breath.....

Argh......Lindsay Lohan (LiLo) and Samantha Ronson.....my god! my god!

In an all-girl school, I cannot help but starting to adore a girl, one year senior than me, so much that I did prayed for her to be my godsister at the time. I made countless effort to call her every night just to chat with her, never skipped school because I never wanted to miss any chance of seeing her, tried loitering in the school compound just to catch a glimpse of her and the worst part was I used to have her handwriting and  that is the time you can see me smiling and staring at THAT every night.  still have this vivid memory of her when we shared the same table for our farewell party. I was so ecstatic to know that we will be sharing table during the party. Throughout the time, I never misbehaved, took really good care of my table manner and carefully picked my words before I speak.Each time she didn't come to see, I will be very sad, lonely, and depressed. Okay... I should stop here. Or else people will really send me to the mental asylum thinking that I have gone bad up there.

You might think I was such a maniac of doing such crazy acts but that was the special feeling that I tend to develop for her only for that year. Thank God those crazy days were gone after she went to Form 3, a morning session class whereas I was in Form 2, afternoon session class. Hey I know. I am still not a lesbian yet. LOL. I like guys and fell for guys since that erm.....I should say a wonderful (to me) yet awful (to the others) experience?

DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!! LOL........


Victoria said...

awww~ that i think is a normal growing up stage feeling and that does not make u a lesbo nor a bisexual. Like u said, just an admiration. Cant blame u though cause girl school no guys, but all gurls, so admiration starts and u thought its "love"

Cheer up babe, im sure u will find a GUY whom loves u more than u love him. Good luck

Small Eyes said...

Hi, I was in an all-girl school like you, and I totally understand the thing that you went through. I had experience like that, albeit a little less stronger than yours, but I find it perfectly normal, as we were growing up and HORMONES pushes us to develop 'social interactions'.

And no, I don't think you are crazy.

Your Boss said...

Ahhh it seems that you've grown wiser. I am glad I am your boss, LOL.

Hey hey, it's perfectly normal when we're young and yes, I do say emotions stir up superbly fast.
No.. you're not crazy

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