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Gregarious, bold, straightforward and does not care how people perceive. I am not a creep. Just being myself.
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I Am Bad. Real Bad! You're Gonna Hate Me When You Know I Am That Type of Person

I am bad! No...I did not steal my dad's credit card, I did not put faeces on my neighbour's car, I did not destroy my lecturer's plant in his office, I did not switch off the tele after watching, I did not pull that stray cat's whiskers but I did, one very bad thing is I had hurt a guy's feeling. I am totally an idiot when comes to apologizing to anyone but I am here today writing a lengthy post to say SORRY to an amazing man that walked into my life on 5th July 2008 and all along I know I am being self-centred, stuck up, egoistic,narcissistic, rude, and lack of empathy to others. As I am writing this post, I am praying for his safety that he has reached KL safely. He told me that he will call me back but he didn't but it doesn't matter after what I have done and said to him.

I woke up this morning with swollen eyes as if someone punch me into eyes while I was sleeping yesterday. And I was jolted at the degree of my swollen eyes. Okay...I admit I cried like some retard asking for sweets yesterday when I heard he is on the way back to KL. Many times I always say something I don't mean it but I don't know what has poisoned my mind but those brutal words come spontaneously. Normally, a narcissist like me would not have guts to express the darker side of myself publicly but after self-reflecting of my own mistakes, I decided to decitate this posting to him.

It all started.......read along.
About three weeks ago, he and I had a dramatic fight and I said I hate this relationship so much. So much that I don't want to be with him anymore. After that fateful incident, we didn't communicate with one another for merely 3 weeks until yesterday he called me around 5pm to ask where I am.

He: Where are you going later tonight?
Me: Why you wanna know? It's already none of your business.
He: Why is none of my business? People do care about you, love you. What I am going to do will make you hate me.
Me: Just go ahead and do it. You want to challenge me. So go ahead la.
He: Where are you going later night? *asking again*
Me: Hotel. *just saying for the sake of saying*
He: I guess tonight I need to sleep in the street.
Me: So? I hope that you won't be robbed.
He: My life is worthless.
Me: Yah of course so better die faster. I hope you will be perished faster. And who doesn't want his enemy (him) to be defeated first?

And I hung up his call. After a while, he keeps on calling me and I didn't bother to pick up until he sends me a message which sounds like this:

"You really do not want to see me? Please reply before 7.30pm".

After reading the SMS, I reply him with a short and firm NO. He again replied me asking me no matter what also I will not see him and I said "Nope. Even if you're dead or alive, it is totally none of my business. He did not reply me after that.

About 30 minutes later, I received an SMS from him saying "I was in Penang waiting nearby your house for you to come back (from work) with a tiramisu that I've baked for you, I've made reservation in Hard Rock Hotel to celebrate (my birthday) with you and to tell you the good news from OUM (Open University Malaysia). I am on my way back to KL already. Honey I love you very much." The comeback message was like someone throwing a dagger right into my heart and it feels so pain that it didn't go away. I was trying to control my emotion as I was out with my friends at that time and I tried really hard to pull myself together. The moment I hit my home, tears streaming down my cheeks and I cried for a good 1 hour. I called my BFFs to tell them and they were right. I should change. I should be more careful whenever I said something. They know I have razor sharp mouth but I cannot hurt him again and again. This must be stopped before everything is too late. As I speak now, I still not being able to contact him since last night. I really worried that he might have done something stupid! God, let's help me through this. I really will change is he's fine and I will not be as cruel as I used to be.


All I am asking for is a last chance, a last chance that I will be a better person, to prove myself that I can do it, I will be patient no matter what as he has done too much for me. Please call me once you see this. I am really sorry......




I am still trying my best to get connected to his line. Still dialling and I cannot get through. Will he do something stupid? I really don't know.


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